Try This 30-Day Challenge For A Hotter, More Fulfilling Sex Life

“You don’t have to make the leap to bombshell sex kitten all in one day,” says Sadie Allison, DHS, founder of  and author of Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure. “Part of having a healthy sex life is learning your likes and dislikes, and with small steps you can begin to make these discoveries in an environment where you feel safe and confident.”

Whether you’re looking to make sex a bigger part of your relationship, spice up your marriage, or just get in touchwith the sensual side of yourself, we recommend trying one of these challenges a day for 30 days. Allison suggests getting a lover on board to help—”Having a partner to cheer you on and complete goals with you can be a great motivator,” she says—but that’s certainly not a requirement. Read on for 30 daily challenges that anyone can do for a hotter sex life.

DO IT ANYWHERE EXCEPT IN BED.

A little change of scenery can really spice things up. “Trying new spaces and places also pushes you to try new positions, which can lead to new sensations and orgasms,” says Allison. “Doing it in the car—or up against the car in the garage—is always hot. Standing up in the bedroom doorway is fun, and even the couch is perfect for doggie style.”

MAKE THINGS SLIPPERY.

Break out a bottle of lube—wetter is better. (We’re fans of Rodale’s organic lube.)

TRY A VIBRATOR DURING PARTNER SEX.

The added sensation will give you both a buzz. “Consider a small bullet if he may be intimidated by phallic ones or is new to toys,” says Allison. “Bullets can feel amazing both on your super-sensitive clitoris and labia, as well as his head, shaft, balls, and the base of his penis. And anyone’s nipples are game!” (Another option is this best-selling couples massager from Rodale’s that you can even control by remote.)

TOUCH YOURSELF.

Lock the door and spend some alone time figuring out what turns you on. The best way to be a great lover is to first understand your own body—so get busy. (See what happened when one woman masturbated every day for a week.)

DON’T MAKE IT TIT-FOR-TAT.

Give your partner pleasure without expecting a thing in return. “It can be incredibly fulfilling to be completely giving,” says Allison. “Take turns giving and receiving. One night it’s all about giving—you ask your lover what he wants and give him three options. Then switch the next night. Giving each other three options takes the stress off of telling your lover what you want. Great for both of you and strengthens communication.”

DO IT WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON.

It’ll make the sex feel super urgent. “Dry-humping is a classic that never goes out of style,” says Allison. “This really gets the juices going and makes you feel like you’re in high school again. And if you two just have a lot of laughs doing it, then consider it a success because sex is supposed to be fun!”

WEAR HEELS TO BED.

You’ll feel like a vixen, trust us. As a matter of fact, any accessory or article of clothing that makes you feel super feminine could do the trick.

REENACT A SEX SCENE.

Together, the two of you can be stars of your favorite flick. Even if you can’t exactly replicate the hottest love scenes, you can surely have fun trying.

PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD.

“Anything sweet can be just what you need to start licking and sucking,” says Allison. “You can get very creative with candy, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, or one of my favorites—fresh crushed strawberries. Then after a good lick down, take it to the shower where you can wash each other off, slowly and erotically.”

SAY YOUR PARTNER’S NAME.

Whether it’s during the day or loudly during sex, it’ll be a turn-on! Using your partner’s name makes him feel like the very specific target of your desire.

LOOK BABE, NO HANDS.

Try turning each other on without using ’em! Your breasts, your hair, your mouth—they are all great substitutes.

WATCH PORN TOGETHER TO GET SOME IDEAS.

“Pick out a movie together so you’re both on board,” says Allison. “Conventional videos can be a turn-off for some women, so explore feminist porn sites, which make content with ladies in mind.”

TRY A LITTLE PDA.

Your hand on his leg under the table at a restaurant is a good place to start. Remember, foreplay starts even before you get to the bedroom.

DO EVERYTHING BUT INTERCOURSE.

Make it the only thing that’s off-limits. There’s no better way to build up desire and make sure you both really focus on foreplay.

TRY A QUICKIE.

Sometimes spontaneous is even better than slow. “The excitement of rushing though it can be enough to get him there in a flash,” says Allison. “Get the most out of your quickie by gazing hungrily at him. Kiss him passionately and tell him that you need to have him NOW.”

GET ON YOUR KNEES.

You’ll feel strangely powerful when your partner is standing up. You may be on your knees, but you’re in control of giving pleasure.

MAKE EYE CONTACT.

Let your confidence shine under your partner’s gaze. Really seeing him can be the most intimate part of sex.

GO NAKED.

Walk around in the buff and let your partner admire your body. What you may see as imperfections are actually beautiful to him, so do your best to let go of your inhibitions.

PLAN A THREESOME.

Enjoy casting it (and whether or not you actually go through with the threesome is up to you). “And don’t feel limited to only consider your girlfriends or his lady coworkers,” says Allison. “This hypothetical threesome isn’t just for his pleasure. If one of his gym buddies or old college friends would be on your roster, go ahead and tell him! This can be a helpful, fun way to clear the air about any outside-the-relationship attractions you both feel as well.”

COME AGAIN.

Going for round two makes things doubly pleasurable. Even if you think you’re too tired, you may realize you’ve got a second wind.

SAY, “ACTION!”

Make a video that you can look at later for inspiration. Just be sure to keep it private!

GET TIED UP…OR TIE UP YOUR PARTNER.

Either way, the experience is intense! “The best part of mild bondage, aside from the thrilling sensation, is the opportunity to explore how much you trust each other,” says Allison. “Communication is key. Make sure to discuss it thoroughly beforehand, establish a safe word, and talk about any concerns or worries you may have. You can shop together for the perfect, comfy rope or cuffs, or DIY with one of his neckties or a pair of your tights.”

REMINISCE ABOUT SEX.

Talking about your favorite times together can only lead to more! “Sharing memories will help strengthen the bonds of your relationship and help rekindle your fire if you feel like it’s been flagging lately,” says Allison. “Don’t skimp on all the tasty details, and feel free to do some physical reenacting to jog his memory.”

LET HIM WATCH YOU MASTURBATE.

You’ll both be majorly excited, guaranteed. A woman who knows how to pleasure herself is a real turn-on.

TAKE A BATH TOGETHER (BUBBLES OPTIONAL).

Not only is it a chance to spend time in the buff together, it’s a great way to relax and open up the lines of communication. And if things do get a little dirty, Allison has some advice: “Use silicone-based lube as it’ll last longer under water.”

LET YOURSELF FANTASIZE.

Go ahead: Give yourself permission to go there during sex tonight. And don’t worry about being inauthentic—taking whatever turns you on and bringing it to your real life is a surefire way to create sparks. (May we suggest this Dare Me Pleasure Set from Rodale’s? There’s a reason it’s described as 50 shades of foreplay…)

FLIRT WITH A CUTE STRANGER.

This challenge is especially ideal if you’re already in a relationship. “Then bring home that newly inspired sexual energy and take your lover on a wild ride!” says Allison.

WEAR SOMETHING SEXY UNDER YOUR EVERYDAY OUTFIT.

Think of your lingerie as a secret that only you’ll know. “Doing this makes you feel sexy all day, and lets you look forward to returning home to your man,” says Allison. “Be sure to wear a skirt so he has easy access to your lovely body after you flash a peek of what you have on underneath.”

MASSAGE EACH OTHER (ADD SOME OIL TO MAKE IT REALLY SENSUAL).

“For an extra hot experience—literally!—use a scented massage oil candle,” suggests Allison. “You’ll have romantic mood lighting and warm, silky massage oil all in one. Be sure to massage all of your lover to find new erogenous zones. The back is a given, but you can work your hands everywhere from his scalp all the way down to the tips of his toes.”

GET YOUR BLOOD PUMPING.

Exercise together first to up your heart rate before you get it on. Not only does exercise release feel-good endorphins and get the blood pumping to all the right places, getting fit can make you feel more sexually desirable.

‘How I Learned the Difference Between Sparks and Real Chemistry’

Two summers before, I went on a first date. assumption for said date were low; we matched on Tinder. I was unstable, just starting  to write my book, with small free time; he was a medical pupil , similarly unsettled, similarly small free time. But as I approached the beer plantation and saw him, I realized I was already in an electric free fall.

The sparks kept structure . He gave thinking answers to simple questions, toed the line among openness and secrecy, and slid his fingers into mine to capture me for a walk after our date slink into its fifth hour. We walked the  blank streets under blooming stop lights. At midnight, he quietly pressed me up facing the window of a restaurant and kissed me—an accidental, silence-convince, stomach-jerking kiss.

CHEMISTRY IS THE PERFECTION OF OUR GENES. LOVE IS THE COMFORT OF OUR ALIKENESS.

The love that we most repeatedly see portrayed in life is that of the deal, playing the game with each other, you do this and I’ll do that. That is why we advert to it as a agreement. As we find the way love truly intersect through us, we can see it with new eyes.

Chemistry migrate us into thinking there is something here, something for us. We perceive the chemistry and we are sure there is more love available in this connection, more suffering , more life, more everything.

Here’s the catch; the chemistry is concerning the genetic pool. The genes requirementreproduction and the genes are looking to continue their mutative process through us. It is all about inbreeding.

This chemistry comes from our alternation. We are attracted to what we don’t have and chemistry wants us to multiply  with someone other than ourselves. Biologically and genetically we are Effete to the pool of what’s different. It’s easy to see how genetics run our life when we are young and seeking a mate for family life.

The genetic pool doesn’t care how hard it is to be with someone so disparate. Because our gene pool is on way only to procreant. We are  planby nature to reproduce and deep within us, this is what drives us to follow the chemistry. The second  that anything is different, that anything is not like us, that’s the instant that, new genetic Equipment can be created.

So we end up in an age-old trap of being caught in the comeliness to reverse and then painin a association that really doesn’t fit us but worked well for the genetic pool.

Cozying up to and then mating with a partner causes two genes, the oxytocin receptor (oxtr) and vasopressin V1a receptor (avpr1a) genes, to get more active in the brain of a prairie vole. When the researchers looked closely, they found that this was because acetyl groups had been slapped onto nearby histones.

The DNA of plants and animals (and lots of other beasts) is packaged around little protein spools called histones. Besides letting cells like ours cram six feet of DNA into their tiny nuclei, this packaging also helps to control which genes are on and to what levels.

One way a gene is controlled is if the packaging pushes it down into the middle of the DNA heap. Now the cell can’t even see that piece of DNA. Another way is if a histone grabs onto the start of a gene and holds it tightly. The cell has trouble prying the histone away, meaning the gene it is covering will then be turned on very little — if at all.

When a cell needs to make a gene more active, it sometimes controls how tightly a histone holds onto DNA by adding or removing acetyl groups. The more acetyl groups on a histone, the more negative charge it has. Since DNA is negatively charged too, the two repel each other, so the histone doesn’t hang on so tightly. And it looks like this is what happens around the oxtr and avpr1a genes in prairie voles once they choose a partner.

“CHEMISTRY CAN COME AND RIDE, RELYING ON OTHER INFLUENCE.”

An elderly man talked wistfully concerning his wife of a long wedding some time after she had passed away. “Sometimes I felt so lucky to be Contracted to her; like she was the most astonishing person in the world. Other times I conception she was terrible and wonder how I could have married her.” He palpably loved her, longed for her, and desire she were still alive. But he made an momentous point: the “in love” feelings come and go, adjunct on the other person’s conduct and on our inside regime of mind at the instant.

“CHEMISTRY CAN ENCHANT YOU TO THE “UNJUSTIFIED” PERSON”

Are you absent wedding but attract to people who won’t Despatch? If yes, you might be acting out an inside conflict practised by many at this time of high wedding failure expression. Part of you longs to submit; other section fears it won’t work out. Unconsciously, you play it safe by being attract only to people who are interested in a casual respect.

By gaining self-consciousness and sagacity for a successful wedding, you can move past this conflict and allow chemistry to become with the right person.

With chemistry among two people the motivate and feelings you experience you also sense in the other. There is a document that is shared which includes more than Equitable the physical. In their  attendance:

• Your senses are raise you take in the other savouring what you see, isten and smell.
• You can’t take your eye off the another person.
• You have a strong requirement to composure physical touch, the closer you get the more capable the requirement.
• When you do have corporeal contact you don’t want it to stop you want to be part of the other
• Any anxiety or negative attributes of the other are swept to the side they have no consistency.
• You intuitively feel that you ‘know’ the other person and they ‘know’ you.
• When you are with them you Endure ‘alive’.
• You both have small consciousness of the presence of others.
• Others become Conversant of your mutual comeliness.

The Secret To Keeping Your Sex Life Hot In A Long-Term Relationship, According To Science

Your long-term relationship probably makes you feel supersecure, comfy, and confident enough to rock a shirt with food stains like it’s lingerie. But that doesn’t always make for a hot sex life.

What does? New research from the University of Toronto found that the secret to a happy sex life in an LTR is superhard…work. (Lose up to 25 pounds in 2 months—and look more radiant than ever—with Prevention’s new Younger in 8 Weeks plan!)

the study, researchers surveyed 1,900 people in heterosexual and same-sex relationships on their relationship beliefs, as well as how satisfied they were with their sex lives. Based on their answers, researchers divided participants into groups with “sexual growth beliefs” (i.e., those who think that sexual satisfaction comes from working at it) and “sexual destiny beliefs” (people who think that sexual satisfaction comes with finding a compatible sexual partner). They found that the belief that a great sex life takes hard work (as opposed to expecting that it will just happen as long as you love the person) results in hotter, committed-to-each-other sex.

Scientists also found that there’s a honeymoon phase that lasts about 2 to 3 years for everyone. During this time, people who have sexual growth beliefs and those with sexual destiny beliefs are both happy with their sex lives. But after this phase, people who were more likely to believe that sexual satisfaction takes some nose-to-the-grindstone action were more likely to be sexually satisfied.

They also found that women tend to buy into the concept of soul mates and romantic destiny more often than dudes, but are also more likely than men to believe that sex takes long, hard, strenuous work. Wink.

Lead study author Jessica Maxwell says it just makes sense. “We know that in long-term relationships, sex isn’t always going to be perfect, and sexual desire often declines,” she says. “The individuals who are best prepared to handle these challenges are those who take a more pragmatic view of sex and are ready to work to make their sex life better.”

The bottom line: Working to make your sex life better will actually make your sex life better. Just a little something to keep on the back burner.

Change the metaphor that you associate with developing your relationship. Instead of “working” at it, learn to “play”. “Work” feels heavy and makes us think of future struggles, whereas “playfulness” engages the things you associate with good times, childhood comforts and moments of spontaneity. This means that instead of navel-gazing and pondering, you’re coming at the difficult things in life with humour and a lightness of touch. A couple that can laugh together, even mid-row, is in a healthy place.

Learn to spend time alone. Developing a relationship with yourself, deepened by solitary pursuits, hobbies and taking time out from work and relationships, will pay huge dividends with your partner. You will come back to the relationship refreshed, more able to express your needs (as you’re more likely to know what they are). We will always ultimately be a mystery to each other – it’s more healthy for this to be acknowledged, celebrated even, than denied.

Don’t be cruel. According to research, people who sneer, ridicule or talk down to their partner are on a fast track to relationship destruction. Those in successful relationships hardly ever speak to each other that way, even when angry. If you find you want to be cruel to your partner, ask yourself what’s really going on. The fact they haven’t made the bed is never really the issue – it’s far more likely you fear that this means they don’t care about you. Instead of attacking your partner for their laziness, show your true feelings.

Adopt a new narrative. Instead of thinking of your relationship as an arc, with a beginning, middle and an end, try to think of it in terms of the seasons: spring, summer, autumn and winter. Harnessing the idea of seasons can be particularly helpful when couples start a family. Despite the joy that babies bring, they often feel like a bomb going off in a relationship – the exhausting demands of parenthood can feel overwhelming. Yet get through those first few winters of despondency and there will more than likely be the spring of renewal and love rediscovered.

Judy Ford is a psychotherapist, counsellor and the author of ‘Every Day Love: The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other’

Be prepared for surprise and open to change. Love matures and changes as we mature and change. The qualities that make a loving partner are the same qualities that make a loving person. You and your partner are dynamic creatures. Just because you believed one thing when the two of you began your relationship doesn’t mean you will still believe that same thing years, months or even weeks down the road. As the two of you grow, your partner’s desires will change and so will yours.

Understand that you can only develop yourself. We often fall in love with a person who has the qualities that we would like to develop in ourselves. We see all the budding possibilities and are excited to be accepted by such a wonderful and perfect person. Watch out! This sometimes means that rather than developing the qualities in yourself that you would like, you will try to develop the other person’s potential instead, and this creates havoc.

Realise that it is in moments of restlessness and upheaval that you find out who you are and what it truly means to love. It’s easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when the setting is romantic, when you’ve got jingle in your pocket, when you’re looking good and feeling fine. But when one of you is out of sorts, exhausted, overwhelmed and distracted, behaving lovingly requires conscious effort.

Be kind. Becoming a more effective partner is the most efficient way to assure a loving, intimate relationship. Kindness and having your partner’s back are essential. Using “argument enders” and “intimacy builders” will strengthen your connection. Argument enders include: “I never thought of it that way”; “I’d like to think that over”; “Can we continue this discussion tomorrow?”; “You’re right”; “I could have handled that better”; “I’m sorry, please forgive me”; “I know you’re sorry; I forgive you”. Intimacy builders could be: “Help me understand”; “I’m on your side”; “We are in this together”; “Good idea”; “Let’s give it a try”; “We’ll figure it out.”

It’s not about being right or making the other person wrong. Don’t allow your relationship to be about quarrelling. It is about understanding and learning to talk about hot subjects without getting heated. A relationship presents countless opportunities to rise to the occasion and be the best person and partner you can imagine. A relationship is working and playing together, it’s finding delight, joy and comfort in each other. It is about facing difficulties and eventually becoming wise.

If you have been unfaithful, you must be “giving” to your partner in order to reconnect. We get attached not only by what we receive from our partner, but by what we give to them. Thinking about what matters to them, then consciously reaching out with acts of consideration and affection will not only make them feel closer to you, it may help you to feel closer to them.

Explore the root of an affair in order to move past it. If an affair happens, both partners need to explore why it happened, and ask themselves, “What does the affair say about me, my partner, and us?” Maybe one or both of you felt ignored by the other, maybe you felt dead and the affair brought you to life, maybe you were rebelling against the rules of the marriage the way you’ve rebelled against rules your whole life. Promises never to stray again are meaningless unless the “fault lines” within and between partners are addressed.

If you want to reconnect to your partner, you need to turn toward that person and treat them in ways that foster caring and closeness. You won’t figure out if you want to be with your marriage partner by busying yourself with other people or activities. People often want to feel loved by their partner before they begin the hard work of trying to repair their relationship. But I’ve often found that the opposite works: feelings of love may blossom after you’ve recommitted, taken a fair share of responsibility for what went wrong in the relationship, and treated your partner in ways that foster trust and intimacy.

Understand the true nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a gift from the heart of a hurt partner – it’s a transaction between the two people held together by a violation. Unfaithful partners must work hard to produce bold, humble, heartfelt acts of repair and take responsibility for the harm they caused. Hurt partners must work hard to encourage their partner to make good, take a share of responsibility for what created a space between them, and allow the injury to recede into the backdrop of their lives.

Work to rebuild intimacy. Becoming sexually intimate is often complicated and challenging, particularly after a troubled time. Both partners need to reach out with tenderness and compassion, recognising they may each feel vulnerable and raw. This is time to take off any pressure to perform and to put aside expectations for high performance and orgasms. The couple’s sexual intimacy will grow if each partner works to warm the space between them with acceptance and affection.

The 5 Most Overlooked Relationship Killers

Everyday bad habits can destroy relationships over time. If you ask what causes people to break up, they might say money, lying, or cheating. And that is true. But, like death by a thousand paper cuts, there are even more insidious everyday habits that kill relationships, too.

For nearly three decades, I’ve had a front row seat to thousands of relationships. My ongoing research—a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health since 1986—gives me the opportunity to study, closely and over time, critical patterns in marriage and divorce, romance, and relationships.

Today, here’s what I know for sure: Small stuff is a big deal. To create a truly happy, healthy relationship, every couple, of every stripe, should take the most overlooked and under-discussed relationship killers to heart.

Here are the five most overlooked relationship killers and solutions to those bad habits. (Lose up to 25 pounds in 2 months—and look more radiant than ever—with Prevention’s new Younger In 8 Weeks plan!)

happened during me-time.

ASSUMING YOU KNOW EACH OTHER

• Couples who have been together for many years sometimes believe that they know everything about their partner. Unlike when they were first dating, they stop asking each other questions and learning more about each other.
• Such loss of curiosity can be lethal. I call this the “silent dining syndrome.” Couples go out together to a restaurant but then don’t talk.
• Solution: To stay happy in a relationship, partners need to talk to each other every single day, for at least 10 minutes, about anything other than the home, kids, work, or their relationship. Ask each other questions, just like when you were first dating! A side benefit of getting to know one another again is an increase in passion and excitement.

WAITING FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS TO EXPRESS LOVE

• Many couples make the mistake of waiting for special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or Hallmark-type holidays, to express loving feelings to one another.
• One key finding from my study is that when husbands do not receive frequent affective affirmation from their wives (defined as words, gestures, or acts that show him he is noticed, appreciated, and loved), that couple is two times more likely to divorce.
• Solution: Do or say something frequently to show your partner that he or she is valued and noticed. Sometimes a goodbye peck on the cheek or a thoughtful compliment is all it takes to make a partner feel loved and appreciated.

SKIPPING ME-TIME

• Many couples say that space or giving each other plenty of time for themselves is the single most important reason they think their relationship survived.
• Time alone gives partners those vital moments to process thoughts, pursue hobbies, and develop new topics to talk about! Too much space or long separation isn’t good, but partners who pursue their own hobbies, interests, and friends tend to be happier than those who depend on each other for everything.
• Solution: Talk to your partner about the benefits of “me-time”, and emphasize that you still want couple time too. Don’t keep secrets, and share with your partner some of the fun or funny things that

SEEING THE GLASS HALF-EMPTY

• Many couples only talk about what’s going wrong in their relationship. They end up focusing on the negative aspects of their relationship.
• In my study, couples who also concentrate on what’s working well—on the glass half full—were much happier over time than those who purely try to “fix” their problems.
• Solution: Make a list of the top five things that are going well in your relationship and work on strengthening those positive aspects. Focusing on what’s going well in the relationship motivates you both to move forward in that relationship. Also, an optimistic approach will rub off on your partner and attract you to others who are seeing the world as “half full.”

STAYING MUM ABOUT “MINOR” ANNOYANCES

• A lot of couples sweep little annoyances and pet peeves under the rug. Over time, though, these small everyday irritations can add up and put a relationship on life support.
• It’s actually the small, everyday irritations that accumulate if not dealt with. Later on, they become big problems in relationships.
• Solution: Contrary to popular belief, couples need to sweat the small stuff in their relationship to be happy and together over the long haul. Bring up the annoyances in a constructive way—pick the right time and situation to discuss, ditch all other distractions, use your “I” statements, and avoid using the words “never” and “always.”

It’s vital to understand that everyday bad habits can destroy relationships over time. With simple solutions to fix the five most overlooked relationship killers, you can continue to sustain a long-term happy, healthy relationship.